TO: ISTV Global Stronghold
SUBJECT: RE: Canada’s Capabilities in Summer Olympic Sports
Dear Global Stronghold folks,
Shut up, eh?
Look, we know we’re not the strongest swimmers out there, right? And yeah, it sure does look like we’re last out of the pool every time. But cut us some slack, will ya? Our water’s only swimmable – like three weeks out of every year. So we don’t get a lot of practice, eh?
And that official regulation-sized pool…it just goes on forever, and everyone’s zippin’ past us. An’ it’s sooo deep! We’re just happy not ta drown!
Point we’re tryin’ to make is, we’re self-conscious enough without you hosers makin’ fun of us, eh?
And we’re not stupid, in spite of some comments you’ve made at our expense, both in swimming and in other summer sports.
F’r example: We know those badminton rackets are used to bat around the little feathery thing. You don’t put them on your feet to trudge through snow. We KNOW that. (Now.)
So, just easy does it with the jokes there, eh? In a couple a’ years, we’ll see you at the Winter Olympics. And I think we’ll know who’ll be laughing then, eh?
(We will – Canada. Just so, y'know, there’s no confusion.)
Your friendly, frozen neighbors to the north