Monday, August 18, 2008

Olympic Fever, Catch It! (Part 2: A Word From Canada)

TO: ISTV Global Stronghold
FROM: Canada
SUBJECT: RE: Canada’s Capabilities in Summer Olympic Sports

Dear Global Stronghold folks,

Shut up, eh?

Look, we know we’re not the strongest swimmers out there, right? And yeah, it sure does look like we’re last out of the pool every time. But cut us some slack, will ya? Our water’s only swimmable – like three weeks out of every year. So we don’t get a lot of practice, eh?

And that official regulation-sized pool…it just goes on forever, and everyone’s zippin’ past us. An’ it’s sooo deep! We’re just happy not ta drown!

Point we’re tryin’ to make is, we’re self-conscious enough without you hosers makin’ fun of us, eh?

And we’re not stupid, in spite of some comments you’ve made at our expense, both in swimming and in other summer sports.

F’r example: We know those badminton rackets are used to bat around the little feathery thing. You don’t put them on your feet to trudge through snow. We KNOW that. (Now.)

So, just easy does it with the jokes there, eh? In a couple a’ years, we’ll see you at the Winter Olympics. And I think we’ll know who’ll be laughing then, eh?

(We will – Canada. Just so, y'know, there’s no confusion.)


Your friendly, frozen neighbors to the north


tad said...

Oh yes, those Canucks will make us eat our words in Vancouver in 2010. But, on the other hand, I'll get to watch curling again for two weeks! Woohoo!

Threat Quality Press said...

Canada must not be trusted. Ninety percent of their population is massed along our borders. Can there be any doubt that this is for nefarious purposes?

ISTV Global Stronghold said...

I heard it was because Michigan set up a couple of those big outdoor heatlamps that look like metal palmtrees.

That's just a good-neighbor policy.


Threat Quality Press said...

Also, the northern areas of Canada are over-run by roving gangs of deadly "dire moose"--known to the Quebecois as "le diable brun."

thechicgeek said...


Lisa said...

HEY! Some hoser from Canada won the silver medal in the 3M Springboard Diving event... They're beginning to invade the summer!!!!

Be afraid. Be very afraid.