Wednesday, June 18, 2008

You Stop It Right Now, Billie Piper!

And now, I present my first impression of Showtime's British import, "Secret Diary of a Call Girl":

"What the...Akk! No! Stop doing that, Billie Piper! You stop doing that right now!"

Okay, that was pretty much the entirety of my reaction to this show. I was actually more uncomfortable watching Billie Piper simulate oral sex (and seriously, foley guys, easy does it on the sucking noises, please) than I was when David Duchovny was faux-banging his way through Los Angeles on "Californication" last year.

The series pilot tells you everything you need to know about its protagonist - actually, she tells you most of it through fourth-wall-breaking narration, and you can infer when she's being Unreliable Narrator the rest of the time - but even at 21 minutes, it still feels pretty slim. Hannah/Belle is a call-girl because she "loves sex and money, and is fundamentally lazy." And then the episode more or less affirms this, but doesn't give you much reason to care.

This may be the Curse of a Previous Role in effect. Billie Piper is so ingrained in my memory as The Doctor's companion Rose on "Doctor Who" that the image of her fellating a mutton-chopped old man is just feels very, very wrong. I'm all for an actor trying to shake an iconic role, and I do fully believe that Billie Piper is capable of other parts, but...jeez. This was her first choice?

Whether its the thin premise or the tawdry attempts to (Warning: Writerly Phrase Approaching!) "deflower Rose," there's virtually no reason here to watch another episode.

(And we'll end here with quick note for David Tennant: If I see you thrusting your naked ass in the direction of ANYTHING in your first post-"Doctor Who" role, we're going to have some problems.)


thechicgeek said...

I have to admit, I'm curious. I heard some pretty rave reviews from the Brits, but aas we've discussed earlier, they are different than us American folk.

Mainly because of the teeth.

That being said, I think you should probably give this at least one more shot. Surely the overlords at the I Speak TV stronghold know that a series can define itself over time, and rarely hits the mark with the pilot.

And I don't know, Billie Piper is, how can I put this so as not to offend...smoking hot! I'll just leave it at that.

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