Saturday, March 8, 2008

No Match For the Foam Dominoes (OR: How I Spent My Saturday)

As hype for a new batch of episodes, G4 ran a day-long marathon of "Women of Ninja Warrior." Obviously, it was enough to quell yet another uprising from the drones here at the ISTV Global Stronghold.

Here in the control center, we realized that the biggest reason it's possible to enjoy "Women of Ninja Warrior" even more than its sibling competition is that there is the possibility that we could actually do the first-stage crap (ignoring our obvious lack of athletic ability, and our crushing laziness). For instance, on standard "Ninja Warrior," realistically, what are the odds of any of us running up a 15-foot wall and clutching the ledge at the top? Not so hot. But "Women of Ninja Warrior" is more concerned with balance and agility. And so we think we might actually have a shot of stepping from one post to another.

(That log-roll might be a whole 'nother hassle, but don't ruin our illusions, okay?)

At least "WoNW" looks like it would be fun to run through. except for the bits where the women mis-time their leaps and plow face-first into a pillar. That one might take a bit of planning.

Of course the best part - other than watching spectacular feats of agility right alongside all the face-smashing that shows up in the commercials - is the first-stage commentary offered by the announcer. He is, as always, absolutely supportive, though with the women, he sometimes seems alternately fascinated by and condescending towards their womanliness.

(Regarding a woman in a business suit) "Boy, does she look sharp!...Don't let her appearance fool you, this woman is capable!"

"She always held a fancy for watching female ninjas on TV."

"Can she seduce the competition into submission with her sex appeal? .... Go, Yoko! We believe in the power of your sex appeal!"

"Dance, tiny dancer, dance!" (This is actually far-more in-depth than his usual reaction to samba dancer Yuko Kawamoto: "Samba! Samba, samba, samba!!!" - which sounds just the same in Japanese as it does in Engish, by the way.)

"We want to see her go all the way, so she can report on her own success."

"Go for it, dear queen!"

"Your looks won't save you now! Only your raw strength will!"

"Oh! Danger!"

"She was no match for the foam dominoes!" (Okay, sometimes we just like taking the quotes out of context. Except this is exactly what it sounds like. She was, really, no match for the foam dominoes.)

To cap it off, we offer video of Ayako Miyami, three-time "Women of Ninja Warrior" champion. 5'2" and 92 lbs. of warrior spirit.

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