Maybe it’s the sudden end of the truncated 2008-2009 television season. Maybe it’s a sense of dread when the announcements of new fall shows all read as painfully as they do. Maybe it’s a recent reminder that, in defiance of GOD'S WILL, “According to Jim” continues to draw breath.
As a response to the morale issues, work on our orbiting death ray has accelerated.
Target one: commercials that offend our senses (Target two: Jim Belushi).
In any event, until the laser is operational, the minions have had to get creative in their terrorism. So
they've taken to simply rewriting their commercial-nemeses, for clarity and honesty:“Sex in the City: The Movie”:
One of the four women: EEEEEEEE!!!
Another: HAHAHAHAHAHA.
All of them: EEEEEEEHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(Martini glasses clink together)
[Repeat, over, and over, and over, until excruciating.]
+++++
KY Massage Products:
Man: When my clearly upper-class girlfriend and I are doing something that isn’t explicitly referred to as “sex,” we like and/or need to use this product. Which we are not explicitly referring to as “sex lube.”
Woman: Because we’re pretty sure you can’t say “sex lube” on American TV commercials.
Man: Certainly not on primetime network TV. Man, how’d we even get on during “Lost”?
Woman: By agreeing not to say “sex lube,” dear.
Man: That’s right, honey. Hey, wanna do something on this bed we’re sitting on that is likely but not specifically referred to as “sex”?
Woman: Do I! Hey, bring the not-necessarily-sex-lube!
...And yes, we have a team examining the feasibility of TiVo within the Stronghold.
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