OMG You Guys Jim and Pam Squeeeeee!!!!

When the American version of the British series "The Office" was concocted, I wasn't terribly optimistic at the notion of NBC developing a show that was so...British...in tone. When I say "British," I think I mean "soul-crushingly hopeless." Check your thesaurus.


The BBC "Office" was more tragedy than comedy. It mined its jokes from the exhausting futility of day-to-day existence. No good deed went unpunished, no character ever really won. For example, when Tim (Jim here in the states) professed his love to Dawn (Pam - but you probably figured that out) in the series finale, she shot him down. It was only in the concluding Christmas special that they threw fans a bone by getting them together.


How to get romantic leads together without killing dramatic tension has plagued TV writers since "Moonlighting." This season, the American "Office" seems to have found the answer: shift the focus away from the romantic leads, onto the unspoken agony that is Michael Scott's life.


This is the first time since the opening six-episode season that the series has summoned up the bleak nature of the original. Now that Jim and Pam are together, we don't really have to worry about them - we can look at other things. Particularly, how fucking awful it is to be Michael Scott. Meaningless job, cruel lunatic girlfriend, and the inability to really make it better, because despite his best efforts, he has no idea how to effectively interact with other people.


Some of the most recent episodes have been the darkest in tone, but not just because they showed how bad Michael's corporate and work lives have gotten. They also showed that just because Jim Got The Girl, didn't mean his life was automatically great. His stint as substitute boss in "Survivorman" implied that without a certain level of self-awareness, he actually could become Michael. And in "Dinner Party," when he seriously pondered abandoning Pam at Michael and Jan's psychodrama of a get-together, 'shippers everywhere got a sign that Jim might not be the perfect boyfriend.


But it also made the couple that much more realistic.


If this were a shitty TV show, Jim would be in the doghouse with Pam and have to make a grand gesture to win back her trust. But it's not. At its best, "The Office" does its best to mirror reality, and so we saw that the two worked it out like they actually would - through playful ribbing, rather than a Big Important Fight.


And yet this past episode, "The Chairmodel," where Jim revealed that he bought an engagement ring "the week [they] started dating," all I could think was, "Oh fuck, they're going to break them up." This is Ross-and-Rachel disease - the (often network-generated) notion that to keep the high drama going, you need more ups and downs in the relationship.


But "The Office" isn't about high drama. It's about little victories, a series theme echoed in the last episode by Kevin - who had recently been dumped by his fiancee (off-screen, which should piss him off, considering all the time the documentary crew devotes to Jim and Pam) - successfully reclaimed the staff's parking spaces, and sheepishly admitted, "It's nice to win one."


So I'm really hoping that the writers think of Pam and Jim together as just a little victory. It won't change the world, or even their workplace, but it would be a rare case of something going right for a change. Like Kevin said. It'd be nice to win one.

Stop Laughing, Laff-Bot!

Okay, Lewis Black's "Root of All Evil" has been on enough weeks for me to make an absolute judgement.

This show kinda sucks. But not for the reasons I expected.

The first problem is that Lewis Black is very funny when his stand-up routines are filmed. There is no doubt. I have seen him taped, I've seen him live, and he's a funny guy. But the minute the scent of a script whiffs off him, all humor evaporates.

(For instance: the funniest parts of "Accepted," a generally enjoyable film in which Black plays the counterfeit dean of a fake college, actually occurs during the bloopers, where Black tries like hell to get through a scene without cursing - which was apparently quite difficult.)

But that's actually okay, when you compare it to the worst part: the LaffTrack2000.

It's depressing. Because these are professional comedians, and they know their business quite well. We're talking about Greg Giraldo, Andy Kindler, and Patton Oswalt (who fares the best, but I am biased because he's my favorite comedian). They know how to get laughs out of people. But at some point during the filming of this show, the producers apparently decided the audience laughs needed "punching up."

Except they didn't seem to have much money, because it seems like it's the same guy laughing raucously at any joke Oswalt delivers.

I love Patton Oswalt. And that's why it really pisses me off to hear a robot laughing randomly at his jokes.

So...go watch one of Patton Oswalt's comedy specials, available on Netflix. Otherwise, simply avoid watching robo-laff-bot-2000 patronize the comedians on "Lewis Black's 'Root of All Evil'."

+++++

Meanwhile, I'm not exactly one to talk shit on "The Daily Show." Love it. Get most of my daily news from there. I won't lie. The writer's strike hurt a lot of us, in a lot of different ways.

But does it seem like lately, the show is at its least effective when they do their little pre-taped skits (which always feels like a "Here's why we employ writers!" kind of forced bit)?

But they're at their best when don't do anything more ambitious than compiling a montage of horrendous CNN footage that shows cable news networks to be, at best, retarded and irresponsible, and at worst, the real Root of All Evil that Lewis Black can't even get to because he's too busy trying Paris Hilton against Dick Cheney?

Cartoon Week: Some Crazy Damn Stuff

Wrapping up this week of animated chicanery is the whole reason I wanted to talk about cartoons in the first place (other than the need to get content up every week).

During the mid-90's, Fox must have been really proud of "The Tick." Here it had an absurdist take on superheroes that was hilarious and well-received. So why wouldn't they try to adapt another indie humor comic? Why NOT try to make "Sam and Max: Freelance Police" into a cartoon?

It would be so easy! McGruff the Crime Dog and his rabbit sidekick solving wacky crimes - fun for all ages!

And fun it was. It was also absolutely batshit insane.

"Sam and Max" was a Tex Avery cartoon jacked up on cocaine and acid. Sam (the dog) and Max (the "rabbity thing") are at once unflappable and over-enthusiastic about everything that comes their way - mole men, moon men, sea monsters, their stalker - but they might also be borderline sociopaths. I could try to explain further, but I think I'll just let this line of dialogue sum it up:

(Sam and Max are on the moon, without any kind of space suits.)
Sam: So let me get this straight - we can breath here, then?
Max: I guess those prissy, paranoid astronauts never had enough spine to try it.

There you go. These are characters perfectly okay with calling astronauts pussies. Also, they made many mentions of not wearing underwear.

The show's recently been released on DVD, and the 11-minute episodes vary from okay to "Holy crap, how much violence can they gleefully advocate on a kids show, anyway?" awesome.

A taste is free:


Sam: Gee, I don't know anyone who would harm helpless kittens.
Max: Here, let me.

Max: Cooperate, and you will be slapped around without incident.

Sam: It's sort of fitting that Lorne would make his home down in the bowels of that funhouse.
Max: Huh. That's the first time I've ever heard the word "bowels" and "funhouse" in the same sentence.
Sam: Get used to it!

Sam: The path of violence can never lead to harmony.
Max: Now you're just being ridiculous.


And if that didn't sell you, well here. Have some episode.



+++++

Next week: We've got NEW TV! "The Office!" "Doctor Who!" "Hell's Kitchen!" Not at all likely to be in that order.

Cartoon Week: Is He Strong? Listen, Bud...He's Got Radioactive Blood

Like Batman, Spider-Man's been adapted into cartoon form multiple times, starting with his first series 1967, which, in its infinite glory, gave us this:




(I can actually play this on the ukulele, and weirdly enough, at a slower tempo, it sounds a lot like the M. Ward cover of "Let's Dance.")

In the early 80's, Peter Parker was a swingin' college cat hanging with his buddies Iceman and Firestar in "Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends." Even as a small child, I always thought of them as "Spidey's bickering hangers-on," but hey, I was a cynical four-year-old.

The 90's gave us a "Spider-Man" that heavily referenced 80's-era comics stories and featured a ton of really awkward CGI backgrounds and recycled stock animation. Which is to say, it wasn't very good. The less said of its sequel, "Spider-Man goes to a parallel earth run by manimals," the better.

After the first movie came out, MTV released "Spider-Man: The New Animated Series." It was basically in the movie's continuity, but as a result, couldn't really use any of his villains, before they were introduced in the films. Which meant apart from The Lizard (voiced by Rob Zombie, if you can believe it), there were a lot of made-for-MTV villains. Which is about as good as it sounds. On the plus side, the animation (much, much more advanced CGI) was really interesting when moving, and Neil Patrick Harris did a fantastic job voicing Peter Parker, despite not being outwardly awesome.

But this year the reboot button got hit again, and Saturday mornings are the home of the recently-premiered "Spectacular Spider-Man." From what I've seen, it's really entertaining. It might be because the 16-year-old Peter Parker in this series:

resembles another energetic young go-getter:

In fact, all the designs resemble Bryan Lee O'Malley's "Scott Pilgrim" series, and that's fine by me. The show is light and fun, frequently humorous, and the hassles Peter has to deal with are...actually very much in the vein of the "teenager struggling with responsibility" story engine Stan Lee started and Brian Michael Bendis perfected.

Example: in one episode, to help Aunt May pay some bills, Peter enters and wins a Spider-Man photo contest, and is offered more work by the Bugle - if he gets a camera that might actually be capable of taking a professional picture. The dilemma: does he use the prize money to buy a new camera with the idea of using later income to help Aunt May, or does he stick with the original plan, which doesn't help him out at all?

This is the "real" story. On the surface, yes, The Shocker (hee-hee) is zapping the hell out of him (hee-hee-hee!), but what's really important? Peter having to make a hard choice any kid could understand.

This is why Spider-Man works in animation in ways Batman never could. Batman is a cold perfectionist. Spider-Man's just tryin' to help out, man. Bruce Wayne is a resourceful billionaire. Peter Parker's a kid trying like hell not to disappoint anyone.

It's the relatability-factor that, when you stick to the basics, makes Spider-Man a timeless, all-ages character.

(Unless he's stuck on an alternate earth with manimals. Oh, and a nanotech-costume, did I mention the nanotech-costume? God, the 90's were awful.)

Next Up: An absolutely balls-out crazy mid-90's FOX cartoon based on an underground comic. And it's NOT "The Tick."

Cartoon Week: My Batman

Welcome to Cartoon Week here at the Global Stronghold.

I love Saturday morning cartoons. Always have. It's such a pleasant idea, and one I never entirely let go of, I'll confess. It didn't help any that at age 12, the exact time when I should have been growing out of it, Warner Bros. released "Batman: The Animated Series."

It was gorgeous. Stylized deco designs, setting the Dark Knight Detective in a world permanently covered in expressionistic 40's noir. Led by the designs of Bruce Timm and the writing of Paul Dini, the best of the shows told stories that were damn near Twilight Zone in their exploration of irony and moral ambiguity. The bad guys were all nuts, yes, but we understood why, and even to a certain extent sympathized with them. And of course, the lead himself. This version of Batman - dark and aloof like you expect but with a certain nobility and heart - carried through into multiple incarnations, including an 80-year-old version of himself in the much-better-than-it-should've-been spinoff "Batman Beyond" and as the smartest man in the room featured in Cartoon Network's often-epic "Justice League."

(How cool was Batman in "Justice League," you ask? Wonder Woman was totally into him.)

So it took some getting used to when the WB started a totally new, unrelated series titled, "The Batman." Scrapping any sense of noir, it instead borrowed heavily from anime. This Batman was young, state-of-the-art, and all his fighting moves sent him jumping 20 feet in the air and lingering for a while.

It was...annoying. But while I personally was a bit disappointed at the lack of depth involved in this series, I had to admit: if I was 10 years old? This snazzy, action-packed Batman would've been pretty cool. Not my Batman, no. But...it was something.

So when Cartoon Network announced a new series, "Batman: The Brave and the Bold," which would pair the man himself with other stars of the DC universe, I thought, well, why not? Every young generation gets its own Bat.

And then I saw this.

Jeeeeez.

I have a four-year-old niece, Julia. For Christmas, because my sister mentioned that Julia was getting into superheroes, I bought a three-pack of "Justice League" action figures. Know who her favorite is? You got it. But in particular, she likes it when I do the Batman Voice. Gruff, low, and irritable. Look at this Batman again.

He is too light and cute for a four-year-old.

But it's okay. I'm sure my one-year-old nephew will adore him. And in a couple of years, Julia will be old enough for My Batman. I've got some DVDs I can play her some Saturday morning.

Next up? I'll give you a hint: he does whatever a spider can.

That's right.

Underdog.

No, just screwing with you.